Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
