WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
