Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize