You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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