Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
