He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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