You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
