it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
