Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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