He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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