dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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