I hate all girls vehemently.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
