eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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