just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
