Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So much rum. So many feels.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
