I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
