you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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