just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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