I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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