My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this just has baby written all over it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
