You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
