I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
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some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
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The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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