Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
