Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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