i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
