I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
