yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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