20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
