I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
