i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
