i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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