The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
