plz talk dirty to me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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