it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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