erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
smell my finger.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
