u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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