his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
