Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
