Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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