i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
