The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
