He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
