forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
