I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
