He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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