This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
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