Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Its about making memories worth repressing
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
