We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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