my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
