He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
