The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
