Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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