I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
