Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
