Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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