operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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