Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
