glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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