She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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