I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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