i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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