i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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