Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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