No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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