she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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