i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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