oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
