so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
