My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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