first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
