I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
