Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
