Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
