I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is my gift to your gina
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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