Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just invented taco cereal.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
