i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
