By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
