i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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