i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
