I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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