He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Of course I have a pirate flag
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
