hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You were trust falling into bushes
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
