She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize