I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
