i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
