Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
