we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
