FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
